My Toxic Friend

Do you know that a friend secretly wishes you illness to the point that they are actually trying to sabotage you?

You usually leave, don’t you?

But is there a part of you desperately trying to explain to them why?

People are unsure of themselves, and sometimes it is impossible to be happy with other people’s successes when you are unhappy in your own life. This is especially understandable if your friend’s success strikes you right in the middle of one of your supposed flaws. And you can certainly have a little sympathy and self-pity for yourself.

But where it goes too far is when you are actively trying to harm a friend, sabotage or boycott him. To make matters worse, this friend’s goals aren’t even related to yours, but you still don’t see how they go.

I witnessed such an exchange between two friends …

Marie, 42, is single, noisy, fat, a lot of drinkers, which obsessively says that all men are jerks. Amber is 36 years old, she is married and happy with the baby on the way.

Marie started a restaurant blog, and a month later began to brag to everyone who wanted to listen that her blog already had more than 300 comments. At the same time, Amber started blogging about mental health and wondered why she was not getting any comment.
“Do you want to comment on my blog?” she asked Marie, hoping to get at least one comment.
Although Marie still didn’t comment a week later, Amber asked why, to which Marie turned away and replied: ‘I’m sorry I almost never sit at the computer.’
“How did you interest 300 people with your blog? Amber asked.
“I don’t know, I think people really want to read about good food.”

Amber was sure that Marie would not even add a comment for her, especially as other friends have shown that they are more than happy to do this simple service. Just three hundred answers in just a month! Amber thought, maybe Marie is hiding something.

Not knowing about the Internet, Amber night after night banged her head against the wall, trying to figure out how to draw attention to her blog. Of course, she got a strange comment, but far from being Marie’s speed. Amber was disappointed.

Not knowing about the Internet, Amber night after night banged her head against the wall, trying to figure out how to draw attention to her blog. Of course, she got a strange comment, but far from being Marie’s speed. Amber was disappointed.

A few weeks later, Amber met at a party very drunk Marie, who accidentally found a friend. Jessica was the archetype of an engineering genius from San Jose who lived, breathed and dreamed of computers. She talked about programming and coding and things that neither Amber nor Marie understood. And then she revealed the truth.

“I helped Marie with her blog, and I wanted to help you,” she told Amber.
“That’s so sweet of you,” Amber said. “Tell me, how exactly did you help Marie?
“Well, I developed her blog page and also used SEO and other tools. Now it has more than three hundred subscribers.”

So Mary got recognized for someone else’s work. And she didn’t want to share information to help a friend. But why?
“Jessica will help me with my blog,” Amber said when Marie returned from a drink.
Marie didn’t say anything, and suddenly she thought she was inflated.

A few days later, Jessica called Amber, “I’m going to help you, but you have to keep it to yourself. Marie is convinced I won’t help you.
“But why?” said Amber. “Our blogs are not even remotely connected or competing with each other.”
“I don’t understand either,” Jessica said. “I think she’s very insecure.”

Amber now realizes what kind of man Mary is. She stopped answering Marie’s calls, ignored her emails, and essentially left.

But was that the only option for Amber? Couldn’t she stand up to Marie and give her a chance to apologize? What would you do about Amber’s situation?

If a friend was selfish and deceitful to the point that you learned that that person wanted you to get sick, you could do one of the following:

1) You stand up to them. However, be prepared for the fact that instead of bowing your head with shame and apologizing, a person can violently try to justify himself, turn around and even pretend that you are wrong. Use this approach ONLY if you are sure you are right.

Don’t be distracted by other arguments and don’t behave along a path where the person lists things that have been done wrong in the past. No one is perfect, and you probably made some mistakes in friendship at some point, but for the purposes of this argument it’s NOT a POINT. Don’t let another person express their point of view to get an argument.

2) You’re trying to help them. Again, be careful, because in order to accept your help, the other person must accept that he has behaved inappropriately. If Amber comes up to Marie and tells her that I know you tried to thwart my attempts, but I appreciate our friendship enough to help you, Marie could directly deny it and, as mentioned above, turn everything against Amber.

3) You forgive and forget. If you do not have the discipline of a shaman who sleeps on a bed of nails every night, this option rarely works. You can tell yourself that it wasn’t so bad, but make no mistake, it will undermine your trust in this man. It is likely that you will no longer see this friend with the same love, respect and respect as before, and eventually the resentment will increase. I would advise you not to use this option if, as I said, you do not have the self-discipline to truly forgive and truly forget.

4) You go. Unfortunately, escape is often the only option you have, unless your friend is one of the type of people whose vocabulary includes, “I’m sorry I screwed up, please forgive me.” Unfortunately, most toxic people are not familiar with the concept of asking for forgiveness, so most of their victims prefer to leave without saying a word.

Dr. Annabelle R. Charbit is a doctor of neuroscientists and a writer. His specialties are migraine, neurodegenerative diseases and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

She is currently working on her first novel, Life, Which Is Ridiculous, about a girl with obsessive-compulsive disorder who made a terrible mistake by falling for a fraudster.

She also has a blog about consumer affairs and social etiquette, which tells about some opportunists who behave inappropriately or abusive behavior at your expense, and sometimes even at your risk.

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